I’ve been a bit down over the last few days – even as I write that I see that I have tried to minimize the down so as not step too far into the negativity. In truth, I’ve been – down. Not a bit, but fully down.
For so long, the habit has been to talk myself out of down, blue, sad, disappointed – judging these incoming feelings as needing to be managed, pushed down, reframed, strategized. So exhausting! And to what end? There is no unfeeling what has already been felt, so what gives with the maneuvering? I’ve been reflecting on this for a while; it has proved to be a worthy exploration. Here’s what I’ve learned:
Feelings are neutral – not good or bad, lower or higher, positive or negative. Neutral. It is our judgment of a feeling that makes it welcome (I want more!) or unwelcome (Warning! Warning! Course-correct immediately. Must behave).
What if we welcome every feeling into our sphere of awareness, without determining it’s worth or contribution? What if we simply receive it as a relevant and meaningful part of our experience. Just that – a part of our moment to moment experience. We can include everything in our experience without condemnation or admiration, avoidance or indulgence. By simply creating space for feelings, breathing into each one, acknowledging without overly identifying – we may come to foster a sense of intimacy and acceptance that goes far beyond the never-ending alteration of the present moment.
Here’s the way it often goes for me: I feel blue. Assign some meaning so I feel ok about having the feeling. It makes no difference to the fact that I’m feeling blue. I judge myself for being blue, wondering what is wrong with me. Lightbulb! I remember. Oh, right! Let me see if I can be present and experience this blueness without justification, without pushing or pulling at it. Feel blue! I breathe. I imagine holding my feeling, opening to it, giving it space to move unencumbered through my being. Will it reveal itself fully to me? Can I sit beside it, throw my arm around it, welcome it into my experience? Even if I feel squirmy, wanting to crawl out of my skin? Can I radically include everything this moment has to offer?
This is my practice. This is how I roll. It’s an ongoing practice of radical inclusion of everything in this current moment. It helps me to be fully present, which in turn, liberates me from the tyranny of avoiding what already is.
from my heart, Carol
. . . we tend to forget that down is not up having a bad day, but rather where seeds flourish and roots grow. RA Masters